each snore that trickled out of your mouth disrupted the stable pattern of my beating, cracked heart. sunlight pierced through the cracks of your room, each ray of light exposing the true nature of my current situation. this boy was not my past lover, nor could he be in any part of my future.
ironically, after this wave of realization, you pulled me closer and intertwined your hand into mine, each squeeze triggering another gag in my throat-i didn’t want this. i didn’t want this boy, or my old lover, or anyone. his arms, just like my old lover last weekend, felt like a straight jacket: he held me captive, not only physically, but mentally. i gathered what was left of my pride, summoned it into one fluid motion, and pushed him away while breaking out of the covers. swiftly, i put on my clothing from the night before and bolted out the door into the brisk sunrise.
in english class, one learns that the descriptions of the seasons and time of day symbolize where the character is in life; and for me, it was fall. the leaves were all changing colors and dying off, just as my life was completely changing and and my relationship with my past lover was dying, but it was also morning. yes, my life is drastically shifting, and as of now, i might not like it, but the gorgeous sunrise juxtaposed to the death and change of my surroundings reminded me that this is also a new beginning. here i was, walking alone in my heels, looking forward to sleeping by myself in my own bed for the first time in months.
the morning air kissed my skin as the pinks, yellows, and oranges of the morning sky kissed my soul. i am afraid, but i am ready to write the next chapter of my story.